Agliophobia
by fl0urished
Summary: Short ficlet. Angela POV, based on the s9 premier (SPOILERS). Heavy Brennan/Angela mentions (could be femslashy? but not really). Most likely a one-shot since I'm awful at updating things.
1. Chapter 1

It's not that I want to act out, I'm trying my hardest not to, but every time I hear Brennan's voice crack because I know she's hiding it all inside, I get so angry. No one deserves happiness more than her, and to see it taken away from her was like seeing my own heart broken in front of me.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I just want it all to stop. Every time Booth calls me for cases, I get so uncomfortable and lash out. I just want to know what's going on, I just want to know what's right. He's hiding something, and I can tell. I thought maybe if I evoke some sort of emotion he'd tell me, but his face hardens and I just feel awful for opening my mouth in the first place.

It makes me question the balance of things. Those few hours during the last Pelant case when everyone was happy felt like heaven, and now everything feels like it's slowly dissolving into this never ending pit of hell. Every time I sit next to Brennan she barely speaks unless spoken to her. Her face is concentrated on the stack of papers, table of bones, or small plate of food in front of her. She hardly eats now, too. It's horrifying.

Her deteriorating incline is making each day harder and harder to work with. Some days are okay, some days are not okay, but I feel like an on-call nurse at all the time. I never know when the phone will ring, but when it does, I answer it and do what's asked of me.

Hodgins has told me multiple times to stay out of it, but I just can't bring myself to do so. I've seen Brennan grow from this scared young woman into this strong, happy, love filled adult. Watching her regress is like watching a train crash into a wall. It's so fucking terrifying, and you want to do everything you can to help, but the damage is so deep, you don't know if you can.

I'm so scared for her. I've internalized all the pain around her. She doesn't even act out anymore, I do. I don't want her to endure any more than she already has.

And since I have a good life myself, I don't see the harm in taking on some of pain. I'd do anything to see her happy, even if it means making myself a little more miserable.


	2. Chapter 2

I've started to calm down more. The outbursts are still there, the anger and frustration are still there, but I've seem to simmer down a lot more. Brennan invited me over for drinks the other night, I thought it'd be a perfect opportunity to talk one on one with her, see how things are going. We don't speak deeply every day, and I like to make sure she's okay. She's like this fragile glass vase. I don't want to see her break.

She says I'm being a bit much, and she tells me her anger towards me being "mean" to Booth is an appropriate response. And she's right. She has a right to be angry at me, Booth has a right to be angry at me. Everyone has a right to be angry at me. I'm stepping over boundaries I shouldn't, but I'd do anything for Brennan. So when she told me I'm going overboard, I felt it was time to just, keep the anger inside. I'll tell her I'm still upset, I'll tell her I don't understand why she's not angry, but that's it.

Brennan's given up on looking for answers as to why Booth called off the engagement, she's not really even angry anymore, but I still see that twinge of pain on her face every now and then. I'll gladly carry that burden for her, even if it means I make a few enemies on the way. We both know Booth is a good man, but you're allowed to question things and be angry at the person you love. That's life, you know? Making something out of what you got.

I don't mean to be so negative, so hostile. Brennan is a part of me, more than anyone could ever be. I've never had a better friend in my life. She's given me my entire life, really. She gave me a stable job that pays well so I could support myself. She gave it to me without hesitation. She helped me through death of loved ones and cases where I just couldn't stop crying because I was so upset. We've known each other for 10 years, and we have our ups and downs, but she'll never leave me, and that's why I won't give up on this, even if she has.

She's taught me a lot of things, like how important the truth is and how answers are important to certain things. I used to let a lot of things go, say that's how life is, but over the years I've learned that I've become more comfortable knowing why things the way they are, and she's become a little less persistent of that.

We're really different parts of each other. We grow and learn and become adults through our trials and errors. She's taught me a lot about myself, and I think I've helped her a lot, too.

I can see she's getting better, lighter. She smiles a little more. I hope that's because I'm trying the carry the weight for her. I hope she doesn't feel pain like she did before again.


End file.
